In the midst of all the excitement yesterday, I kind of forgot to do any Valentine’s Day posts. So I’m going to make up for that with a POST-VALENTINE’S DAY 50% OFF SALE ON BELATED VALENTINE’S DAY POSTS.
First up, everyone’s favorite Naziesque pickup artist, the adult human man who actually calls himself Heartiste. Mr. H thinks it’s hilarious that some random single lady on Craigslist posted an ad in hopes of finding a date for Valentine’s Day.
After quoting her fairly innocuous message seeking a fella to “meet for coffee and just talk about life and things,” Heartiste lays into Valentine’s day itself, lamenting that the once-special day has allegedly changed from a celebration of “couples [rejoicing] in their love” into a holiday that
has had to bend to the new reality of pump and dumps, flings, the extended cock carousel ride, delayed marriage, and late in life marriage.
Then he unleashes this sentence, a doozy even by his standards.
So V Day has morphed into a convenient, plausibly deniable excuse for these future cat ladies to crassly advertise themselves in the hope they’ll get banged out by cads or showered with sexless sympathy feelz by gullible white knight betas all too willing to drop a bennie on expensive cocktails so that they can trudge homeward with full aching balls after doing their last ditch V-date duty and cheering up a studio apartment slut who’s experiencing a bout of regret and timetable disorientation in between cock hops.
Here’s a fun game: Try reading it out loud in one breath, and see how far you get!
I only made it up to “showered.”