The lady-botherers at Return of Kings have done the women of the world a huge favor today, offering them one weird trick that will enable them to avoid the icky attentions of the idiots who read Return of Kings.
It’s really quite simple: look like the sort of woman who protests Trump on the regular.
In a post titled “7 Reasons To Never Date A Girl Who Attends A Protest,” RoK contributor Mark Derian explains at length why protesting women make him wilt.
As Derian sees it, protesting is pretty much the equivalent of being addicted to prescription painkillers. “We attend protests for one reason and one reason only,” he boldly declares,
to cover up psychological issues we cannot manage on our own. We fabricate an impending social change because the real reason for our march is horrifying. In this sense, treat a girl who goes to a protest like a girl who has an addiction to pain killers. To anyone who isn’t in pain, vicodin doesn’t feel good—it feels like a low-grade death.
Weird, because that’s exactly the feeling I get reading Return of Kings.
Derian, drawing liberally from a vast assortment of alleged facts he keeps stored in his posterior, explains that protesty gals suffer from a wide assortment of psychological problems. The assortment is so wide that many of his complaints more or less cancel each other out.
On the one hand, protesty gals are “anti-social,” so socially maladjusted that they can’t accept that “other people have different views and … still be civil.”
On the other hand, protesty gals are too social, surrounded by “low-quality friends,” some of whom might even be fat.
A destructive relationship is like two crabs in a bucket, and a million woman march is a million crabs in a bucket. It’s a validation station of each other’s obesity and loneliness.
Protesty gals read too much:
A girl who has a sense of what it means to be happy wouldn’t be online reading news, the only purpose of which is to stoke her fear and anger. The most feminine girls I’ve known have come from different backgrounds, but they all had one thing in common: limited media consumption.
But they also read too little:
I appreciate a girl who reads—not xoJane but books. Reading indicates the ability to have and express thoughts, not opinions. It indicates the desire to learn, not consume. It indicates an interest in museums, not night clubs. It indicates the ability to sit and be okay with yourself, not get a hit from the world’s most powerful benzo—the self-righteousness of the mob.
This from a guy whose idea of great literature is Roosh’s BANG series of
rape dating guides.
But in the end it doesn’t really matter why Derian dislikes protesty gals, just that he does.
While this is a great relief for those women who are currently engaging in mass protest, women who aren’t protesting at this moment may be mistaken for women who never protest, which leaves them at great risk of creepy dudes approaching them on the street to ask them where the nearest pet store is.
So how does one look like a protester when one is not currently protesting something? Here are a few tips:
- Carry a protest sign with you at all times.
- Wear one of those pink pussy hats at all times, even indoors and while sleeping.
- Chant continually. Anything that starts with “hey hey, ho ho” is good.
- Form human chains with women in your immediate vicinity.
- Periodically “take the streets.”
- Instead of carrying a purse, carry a bag emblazoned with the words GEORGE SOROS MONEY.
- Instead of perfume, gently douse yourself with pepper spray before heading out the door.
- Wriggle uncomfortably as if you haven’t been able to pee for ten hours.
- Punch a Nazi.
Hope this helps!