As some of you long-time readers know, I’m a giant fan of Bollywood music (mostly old-school 60s and 70s stuff). And I’m also fascinated by internet creepers.
Who knew that one great taste and one terrible taste … taste great together? In the video above, two women (with help and backup singing from their respective posses) compete to see whose Internet creeper is the creepiest.
Though the song is in Hindi, with occasional detours into English, I think most of you English-speaking non-Hindi-knowers will have no trouble grasping, at least in a general way, what’s going on.
The video isn’t perfect; it’s an ad for a dating site, and gets a little victim-blamey at the very end. But otherwise it’s pretty much awesome. (I mean, unless there’s something horrible going on in the Hindi lyrics that I don’t know about.)
The person who put me on to this video also alerted me to another awesome video in a rather different genre. So here it is as well.
![Christopher in Oregon “Deconstructs the Female” and Her Allegedly Very Stinky You-Know-What [UPDATE: Now With Dramatic Reading!]](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/flower-of-life-ii.jpg?resize=50%2C50)
It’s basically Choli Ke Peeche from Khalnayak, if it were performed sitting down.
Here’s my rough translation/transcript for your pleasure.
Context: Qawwali showdown between two women arrayed in traditional attire, one in a white-skirted outfit and one in a Mint-skirted one, each with her respective posse
White Skirt: *vocalization in traditional qawwali style*
Master [term of respect for expert teachers] Zuckerberg
when he invented Facebook
White Skirt’s Drummer: Goodbye, Orkut
White Skirt: there was one thing
he forgot to mention
that in every inbox has
not one, but two folders
In one, there will be messages from friends
and in the other folder
there will be creeps
Team Mint Skirt: What’s the word?
White Skirt: I looked at the other folder
couldn’t believe my eyes
50 whole messages
from all the pervert guys
I opened the first message
It was a revelation
*reading creep’s message* “hey thr u lukn gr8”
Team White Skirt: 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 exclamation!
White Skirt: Hey, naive child
Team White Skirt: Hey, naive child
White Skirt: Who the hell are you?
Team White Skirt: Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Another Team White Skirt Member: Come on, hang on, he’s typing.
Creep: “oh beb ur relly kewt..
come on over here to handsum..8) 8)”
Team White Skirt: ROFL ROFL ROFL LMAO
ROFL ROFL ROFL LMAO
ROFL ROFL ROFL LMAO
ROFL ROFL ROFL LMAO
White Skirt: Oh, after reading my other folder
it occurred to me.
Team White Skirt: After reading my other folder
it occurred to me
On the Internet
oh, on the Internet
there are no shortage of [wannabe] lovers
There is no creep creepier than my creep
There is no creep creepier than my creep
There is no creep creepier than my creep
Mint Skirt: *vocalization in traditional qawwali style bleeds into first word*
Actually your creep
isn’t even a legit creep
For my wedding he is someone
my mom would like to meet [i.e. he is prospective suiter vetted by parents]
Team White Skirt: Oooh, what a burn! [i.e. we’ve been pwned]
They’ve burnt us, by God
Mint Skirt: I came home in the evening
after a long day at work
Team White Skirt: Oh really? [i.e. please continue]
Mint Skirt: Below my building
that jerk was standing
Team White Skirt: Hm? [i.e. is that right?]
Mint Skirt: The next day, he was there
He was there, pretending to be a watchman [security guard]
Team White Skirt: What?
Mint Skirt: He was there, pretending to be a liftman [elevator operator]
Team White Skirt: No!
Mint Skirt: Morning, evening, night
he was there
Team White Skirt: Haww! [no way]
Mint Skirt: The other day, he brought a pizza
Said something really shady [sketchy]
Team Mint Skirt: Really shady, really shady
What he said was *continue chanting “really shady” in the background*
Mint Skirt: I deliver your pizza
Team Mint Skirt: Will you deliver my baby?
Will you deliver my baby?
Mint Skirt: Oh, your creep is on Facebook
and nowhere else
I can bet you my creep is hidden
somewhere right here
In my neighborhood
In my neighborhood
there is no shortage of [wannabe] lovers
Team Mint Skirt: There is no creep creepier than my creep
There is no creep creepier than my creep
There is no creep creepier than my creep
White Skirt: Oh, there is no creep creepier than my creep
Mint Skirt: There is no creep creepier than my creep
White Skirt: My creep has cut off the nerves in his hand.
Mint Skirt: My creep has destroyed his hand.
White Skirt: He made our wedding cards.
Mint Skirt: He has named our children.
White Skirt: My creep sent me his pic on Whatsapp.
Mint Skirt: My creep sent me his dick on Whatsapp.
White Skirt: He tags me in his photos.
Mint Skirt: He also tags me in his photos.
White Skirt: His profile pic is an expensive car.
Mint Skirt: His profile pic is also an expensive car.
White Skirt: My creep lovingly calls me “bulbul” [i.e. “sexy” or “honey”, literally “nightingale”]
Mint Skirt: My creep also lovingly calls me “bulbul” [i.e. “sexy” or “honey”, literally “nightingale”]
White Skirt: Does your creep’s name start with an “S”?
Mint Skirt: Does your creep’s surname start with a “K”?
White Skirt: Suresh?
Mint Skirt: Kumar?
Everyone: In this world
In this world
In this world there is no shortage of [wannabe] lovers
There is no creep creepier than our creep [x5]
Heina, thanks so much! Could I put this in the post, with credit to you?
@Heina
OMFG that’s epic, I love it! Thanks so much for the translation 🙂
the never-ending internet creepshow always astonishes me every single time it rolls into my orbit. let’s run with this facebook thing for a second:
i remember female friends of mine, as well as ladies whose pages i follow, almost always attracting at least one random guy to their photos who hits on them with absolutely dreadful grammar. sometimes, the shitty english is due to the person being from another country. other times, i think they’re either drunk or they’re addicted to snorting gold bond.
it’s truly amazing how you can damn near set your watch to it every single time. it happens on my friends’ vines and youtube channels, as well, and god help them if they ever accidentally fart or show their feet at some point, because it immediately becomes about ten times worse.
@Heina
Thanks! That’s hilarious. 🙂
Also, you’re awesome in general.
White Skirt is terrific! Shweta Prasad? She sings “ROFL LMAO” with such conviction!
Thank you for the translation Heina!
That was superb. Thank you so much for this – and Heina for the translation: awesome.
I need a looping gif of the ROFL ROFL ROFL LMAO part so bad.
Heina: Many thanks for that translation! And yes, David, this was funny as hell.
Reminds me of a song I’ve been wanting to hear from the other side, as it were–Shut Up and Dance With Me. It isn’t overtly offensive, but every time I hear it, I picture a woman in a club who just wants to have a dance or two and go home, while this guy in the club keeps trying to turn it into the two of them being destined to be together, mapping out their future, and so on (and right from the start assuming this is going to lead to them sleeping together).
Link to the lyrics in case a better parodist than I among us wants a crack at it:
https://play.google.com/music/preview/Tyxfswbfenjijtybu6ur2juaqju?lyrics=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=search&utm_campaign=lyrics&pcampaignid=kp-lyrics
A joy I watched it before spotting Heina’s translation, which just made it even better. Brilliant!
Thanks for the translation, Heina! I could somewhat figure out what was going on, but knowing what was being said helps. 😀
Nothing like ladies bonding over creepers.
@Funkula I need that gif too, I need it SO MUCH
Echoing the thanks to Heina for the translation.
I don’t get a chance to watch much Bollywood. Is it common for occasional English words to be used in Hindi songs like that?
I love Bollywood!! And this–this was awesome!
Except for the victim blaming at the end. Not quite understanding how the woman in the green skirt could have prevented the offline stalking by a creeptastic creep by being “careful” online. But, whatever. The video and song itself rocks!
Somebody posted about this series in one of the open threads a month or two ago and I thought since we’re talking about something awesome from India I’d bring it back up. It’s a really great series and all four episodes are out now.
https://youtu.be/8NgvxN9RJSg
It’s about a casually misogynistic guy who does all the standard MRA whines about how good women have it and how hard men have it. After getting stood up for a date he wishes he could be treated like women are or something along those lines. The wish comes true and he wakes up in a world where gender roles are completely reversed.
David, that was hilarious.
Heina, thanks for that translation.
MRAs are going to take this verrry personally. ROFL, ROLF, ROFL, LMAO!
Shut Up and Dance is actually about the WOMAN asking the man to shut up and dance.
Which is not any better per se, but even then the lyrics are mostly the guy saying “damn, this woman really wants me to dance and I’m lovin’ it”.
I just blogged that role-reversal video.
Also, what is that fantastic shade of hot pink lipstick they’re wearing in the Facebook creeper one?
Thank you so much for this! I’m also a Bollywood fan and this was excellent.
@WWTH – I know what I’ll be doing for the rest of the night.
@Heina – you’re a legend.
I know everyone’s excited about the Bollywood video, but I for one can’t stop watching that dog train video.
@Heina
Thank you for the translation! 😀
@WWTH
And thank you for the series rec.
Today is a good day for vids.
I has giffed.
@WWTH
Thanks for the terrific Indian video, “Man’s World.”
It reminds me of “All That Glitters,” a Norman Lear role reversal 1970s sitcom. Women still are the ones who give birth; they are also the ones with all the power. Gary Sandy (who later starred in “WKRP”) plays a put-upon secretary who tries to use his sexuality to get ahead. The show lasted only a couple of months.
Awesome stuff! But a little context here – this is not Bollywood by a stretch. No Bollywood producer would dare put that song in a movie. It is a spoof video by a comedy group called AIB that regularly churns out YouTube videos with biting satire on current issues.
Their video on victim blaming titled “It’s your fault” went viral a couple years ago; highly recommend you watch it.
In the real world, these guys ran into trouble over a Roast they had for some popular Bollywood actors. The prudish Indian society could not stomach the idea of insult comedy.
That gif is going to be ridiculously handy.
Thank you, AndrejaPejic.
On the “Man’s World” video, I laughed probably harder than I should have at “McDonna”.
I’ve seen that sort of thing before… but I don’t think gender-role reversal stories would be all that effective. I mean, it could help with those rare people who were spoonfed sexist views and mostly believe them because they never had any real reason to believe otherwise, yet subconsciously aren’t entirely comfortable with them. But the kind of people who really need to change would dismiss it with “of course the guy is uncomfortable, that’s not men’s natural role” or something similar. Then again, I really don’t know what would work, if anything. So I suppose even a little bit is better than nothing.
http://www.breitbart.com/tech/2015/10/27/the-movement-to-force-young-women-into-tech/
Is this of any value? Was thinking about the common TRP complain that women chooses gender studies instead of tech.
Mr Futrelle,
If your intention was to right “clickbait” then I’m sorry to say that you are still need a lot more practice.
Here is an example that you could learn from.
McDonna was funny!
Reading the comments was not.
The “date wisely” comment at the end can’t be separated from the next screen, where the website promises “verified users” to try to weed out “creeps.” Yeah, obviously a stronger message of “it’s not your fault” and less “creeps are inevitable” would be better, but the meaning isn’t “how dare you call those creeps on yourself!” but rather “let us take care of the creeps for you.”
Still, though, this is the funniest thing I’ve seen on the internet in a long while, thank you so much!
@WWTH Now I must to delurk to share something your video reminded me of. There’s an adorable short story that Sarah Rees Brennan wrote a while back that snowballed into a full-length one call “Turn of the Story” (masterpost link: http://sarahreesbrennan.com/2014/10/the-turn-of-the-story-master-post-plus-new-story/). One of the characters is part of an elven society where men are the fairer sex. An example:
“If you wish to tell me I will be happy to hear your secret,” said Serene. “I vow not to mock at you and never to tell anyone the object of your tender maidenly affections, not even if they torture me. A true gentleman’s heart is as sacred as a temple, and as easily crushed as a flower.”
Watched without reading the translation. I’m happy to say that I got all important concepts and even a few of the less-obvious ones somehow passed into my brain despite my ignorance of Hindi languages (though I wasn’t certain my interpretation was correct until Heina came through for us all; also, I’m only assuming this was a Hindi-family language, if I’m wrong please correct me). I think this says something awesome about the power of body language, dance (interpretive dance?), and Bollywood specifically.
I was going to use this space to second Funkula’s call for a gif, but by the time I got here I was days too late: AnAndrejaPejicBlog has gif-gifted us all. Thanks ever so, AnAndrejaPejicBlog!
I realize it’s the woman saying the key phrase. My point is that he then takes that fact and runs with it to the land of “this woman is my destiny” and “bound to be together”–ie, he’s a classic Club Creeper who fails to understand that a dance is often just a dance. In this interpretation, I’m assuming the ‘shut up’ portion is her responding to his pick-up lines and attempts at ‘romancing’ her.
Somehow I missed this! But yeah, traveled in that region. Don’t even get me started. It triggers me, for real.
David, this one’s for you
And this… OMG…. LOL!
An alternate ROFL gif
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Found these here
http://boingboing.net/2015/10/26/creep-qawwali-hilarious-music.html