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Deep Dream Reveals the Shocking Truth About Donald Trump’s Hair

 July 17, 2015
  · 48 Comments
Our next president? Or presidents?

Our next president? Or presidents?

I‘ve been using Google’s Deep Dream software (via Dreamscope) to conduct research into the mystery wrapped in an enigma held desperately in place with hairspray that is Donald Trump’s hair

My conclusions: It’s not a wig, nor is it an elaborate combover.

It’s DogSlugs, mostly. And eyes.

His face is kind of messed up, too.

Then again, that’s pretty much the result I get every time I use Deep Dream to research anything.

More Trump research after the jump. 

The Donald's hair in a stiff wind.

The Donald’s hair in a stiff wind.

More trouble with wind!

More trouble with wind!

He's got it under control here. I think. Actually it looks a little mad.

He’s got it under control here. I think. Actually it looks a little mad.

Sometimes he gives up and just wears his bird hat.

Sometimes he gives up and just wears his bird hat.

Now he seems to have turned into a potato. Can potatoes be president?

Now he seems to have turned into a potato. Can potatoes be president?

 

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Comments

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  1. Miss Andry says:
    July 17, 2015 at 9:05 am

    Of course he can’t be president! He’s a potato from Potatostan! Where’s the birth certificate?! *rabble rabble rabble*

    Reply
  2. Miss Andry says:
    July 17, 2015 at 9:07 am

    Unrelated note, but Davis Aurini just went on Matt Forney’s show and tore into Jordan Owen. Aurini even said Owen “wishes he were me.”

    Reply
  3. mockingbird says:
    July 17, 2015 at 9:10 am

    David – Are you being held hostage by Deep Dream?

    Blink 5 eyes for “Yes”, 10 for “No”.

    Reply
  4. davidknewton says:
    July 17, 2015 at 9:12 am

    David, are you okay?

    Reply
  5. Scented Fucking Hard Chairs says:
    July 17, 2015 at 9:15 am

    Long-lost brothers?

    Reply
  6. skiriki says:
    July 17, 2015 at 9:17 am

    Well DUH, nobody’s okay after contact with the Trump Tribble.

    Reply
  7. kirbywarp says:
    July 17, 2015 at 9:29 am

    @Miss Andry:

    Well, that was disgusting. “Stay classy” indeed. What could be classier than responding to accusations of lying and manipulation than going on a show to lie and manipulate and call your partner a “shitting r****d?”

    The real documentary is in the making of the Sarkeesian Effect. I hope Jordan gets the courage to back out of the project entirely and hand it over to Davis. Davis is going to produce a pile of shit while bilking GGers out of even more cash, and Jordan will be able to distance himself far, far away from a terrible human being.

    Reply
  8. kirbywarp says:
    July 17, 2015 at 9:31 am

    As for the OP, I’ll just… pretend Trump’s hairdo hasn’t gained sentience and is watching me while I sleep with one of its hundred unblinking eyes.

    Reply
  9. Bina says:
    July 17, 2015 at 9:56 am

    I knew I shouldn’t have drunk that peyote tea so early in the day…

    Reply
  10. EJ (The Other One) says:
    July 17, 2015 at 10:04 am

    Iä Iä Trump fhtagn!

    Reply
  11. freemage says:
    July 17, 2015 at 10:11 am

    On the potential good-news front:

    http://freethoughtblogs.com/dispatches/2015/07/16/interesting-new-lawsuit-over-same-sex-partner-benefits/

    TL;DR version:

    Since Wal-Mart would cover a woman’s husband, this lawsuit says they need to cover her wife, too, based on anti-gender-discrimination laws, which are both federal and use a stricter standard than anti-gay-discrimination laws.

    There is a downside, of course, and that’s that conservatives would press even harder against laws barring gender discrimination because of this, but honestly, I’m not sure how much harder they CAN push without repeating the debacle that led to Obama’s re-election. (Ie, the Democrats had enough ammo to make the War on Women accusation stick, because the GOP candidates and pundits were so blatant in their misogyny.)

    Reply
  12. ryeash says:
    July 17, 2015 at 10:41 am

    So I guess the question is: does Trump rule the slugdogs, or is he a being made of slugdogs sent to take over the human race one country at a time, but they got all their political arguments from racist subreddits?

    And when are their lifelong enemies, the snailcats, showing up to stop this madness?

    Reply
  13. David Futrelle says:
    July 17, 2015 at 10:46 am

    For all those concerned, this will be my last Deep Dream post,

    (Well, unless I come up with some other super kewl idea for one. But honestly the “turning everything into slubdogs” thing is losing some of its novelty for me, and obviously its worn out its welcome with a lot of you all.)

    I cannot guarantee that I won’t use deepdream to enhance a pic of some manosphere dude I’m writing about, though probably in a much more subtle and less dog-filled manner

    Reply
  14. David Futrelle says:
    July 17, 2015 at 10:53 am

    Also, I listened to that Aurini and Matt Forney last night. It was 45 minutes of really vicious character assassination and internet diagnoses; Forney repeated his claim that Owen is an Elliot Rodger waiting to happen. Aurini explained that no one should ever trust a “guy who can’t get laid.” Both Aurini and Forney are really abusive little shits; though that’s not exactly news, their nastiness in that podcast is still a little shocking.

    Reply
  15. Scented Fucking Hard Chairs says:
    July 17, 2015 at 10:55 am

    Reply
  16. Holytape says:
    July 17, 2015 at 11:02 am

    This is why I am going to vote for Donald Trump. Well not for Donald Trump, but for his hair. That’s got to be an intergalactic brain slug. And if a being is capable of interstellar travel, and can survive on that noggin, it’s capable of anything.

    Reply
  17. Moggie says:
    July 17, 2015 at 11:04 am

    kirbywarp:

    and Jordan will be able to distance himself far, far away from a terrible human being

    Well, one terrible human being, sure. But wherever Jordan goes, there’s a terrible human being precisely zero distance from him.

    Reply
  18. Yutolia says:
    July 17, 2015 at 11:06 am

    I think the potato is just another one of his disguises. We all know he’s really a pod person.

    Reply
  19. Yutolia says:
    July 17, 2015 at 11:08 am

    Oops, forgot to include a caption – that thing is from a movie called the Pod People and is named Trumpy.

    Reply
  20. National Film Bored says:
    July 17, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    It’s been obvious for years that Trump is one of those interdimensional shapeshifting alien people. I always thought they were more lizard-like though.

    Reply
  21. cupisnique says:
    July 17, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    This post had me laughing mostly because I think David has been taken over by his obsession with Deep Dream.

    Reply
  22. Level14Boss says:
    July 17, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    @kirbywarp Just got down to the part where they both get all snide with themselves about Jordan Owen not being able to take a ribbing. Aurini has a cheek considering he throws hissy fits whenever anyone rightfully points out that everything he’s made is awful in everyway. Then again I’ve always founds those kind of bullies are paper thin-skinned when insulted back.

    Also ‘As Aurini put it, Owen is “the Dunning-Kruger effect manifest”’ even though unintentional and completely lacking in self-awareness is one of the best and most succinct take downs of Aurini I’ve read yet.

    Reply
  23. Tabby Lavalamp says:
    July 17, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    Damn, I’m going to have to try your Deep Dream source. Mine haven’t been as satisfying…

    https://twitter.com/TabbyLavalamp/status/621849499791552512

    https://twitter.com/TabbyLavalamp/status/621863425409323008

    https://twitter.com/TabbyLavalamp/status/621867175633006592

    Reply
  24. Moggie says:
    July 17, 2015 at 12:44 pm

    cupisnique:

    This post had me laughing mostly because I think David has been taken over by his obsession with Deep Dream.

    And you… haven’t?

    Reply
  25. David Futrelle says:
    July 17, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    SFHC, applause!

    Tabby, the trick to getting truly warped deep dreams is to run your results back through the deep dream filter (or various deep dream filters) numerous times. The site I use is really quick with the results, so it’s only mildly tedious. At least if you’re sort of addicted to deep dream.

    Reply
  26. artsmyth says:
    July 17, 2015 at 1:23 pm

    Yutolia: One of my favourite MST3K lines: “Trumpy, you can do stupid things!”

    Reply
  27. Tabby Lavalamp says:
    July 17, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    Oh, that works nice! My zebra photo through two different Deep Dream sites…

    https://twitter.com/TabbyLavalamp/status/622126697689645056

    Reply
  28. Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever) says:
    July 17, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    @SFHC

    That’s the best. You always make the BEST gifs.

    RE: Aurini, Owen and whoever

    WILL PEOPLE STOP MAKING ME FEEL SORRY FOR FUCKING OWEN ALREADY? HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS SHIT, NO MATTER HOW MUCH OF A DICK HE IS BUT ARRRRRGHJHFKJHASDFKLH!

    Reply
  29. rumundtopf says:
    July 17, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    I decided to give deepdream my Mum;s dog:

    Reply
  30. rumundtopf says:
    July 17, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    Everything is a dog

    Reply
  31. rumundtopf says:
    July 17, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    Last one. This is pretty much the internet.

    Reply
  32. Ellesar says:
    July 17, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    Of course the US can have a potato for President – you have already had 2 Bushes, and that turned out just great!

    Reply
  33. A.A. Wils says:
    July 17, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    So Donald Trump’s hair is a Great Old One? Donald Trump’s Hair for President! Let’s start a petition.

    Reply
  34. Miss Andry says:
    July 17, 2015 at 5:24 pm

    The real documentary is in the making of the Sarkeesian Effect.

    Let’s do it. We can call it The Snark-eesian Effect.

    Reply
  35. Sissy says:
    July 17, 2015 at 10:30 pm

    @SFHC:

    Wait, he’s A SPIRITOMB?! WHA– THIS IS WORLD NEWS!

    Also… I knew it. His hair is an alien lifeform. I knew it. Everyone I knew laughed at me when I said it, and I’ve proved them all wrong! I should get my own hour long special on History 2 or something about this!*

    *won’t get special, because who the heck’s going to watch something about alien hair for an hour?

    Reply
  36. AltoFronto says:
    July 18, 2015 at 3:37 am

    The secret’s out!! It’s a fold-over! You too can rock the Trump Flump!

    http://time.com/3923297/donald-trump-hair-secret/

    Reply
  37. Nes says:
    July 18, 2015 at 3:44 am

    @SFHC:

    That Portal 2 gif is amazing! 😀

    @Holytape

    This is why I am going to vote for Donald Trump. Well not for Donald Trump, but for his hair. That’s got to be an intergalactic brain slug. And if a being is capable of interstellar travel, and can survive on that noggin, it’s capable of anything.

    Damn it. I totally want to write-in “Donald Trump’s Hair” now, but I’m in a swing state (okay, so my state has gone blue for like 2-3 decades now, but it’s usually just barely), so I need to vote for the not-a-complete-and-utter-asshole candidate… or, with any luck, a candidate I actually sort of approve of!

    Reply
  38. AltoFronto says:
    July 18, 2015 at 5:37 am

    It just occurred to me whilst doing the washing-up… What if Deep Dream is not about developing pattern-recognition AI, but really just Google trying to create a pre-emptive defense against the inevitable sentient robot uprising? Cause the misandroids to hallucinate and knock out all their targeting parameters!

    Shut up, it could happen!

    Reply
  39. catmara says:
    July 18, 2015 at 6:09 am

    That reminds me… I must read “The Invisibles” again

    Reply
  40. Scented Fucking Hard Chairs says:
    July 18, 2015 at 9:06 am

    Screenshot because the potatoupee has already deleted it and blamed an “Intern,” but notice anything strange? For example, the Nazi soldiers?

    Reply
  41. neuroticbeagle says:
    July 18, 2015 at 10:10 am

    What’s better than Donald Trump’s hair? Donald Trump’s hair on cats.

    http://metro.co.uk/2015/07/18/the-internet-reacts-to-donald-trump-running-for-president-with-trumpyourcat-5301688/

    Reply
  42. KL says:
    July 18, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    So can we talk about how he literally said that Mexico is “sending” rapists ad murderers…?

    Reply
  43. Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever) says:
    July 18, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    @KL

    Yeah, but SOME are good people. SOME.

    Reply
  44. Anna Nymus says:
    July 21, 2015 at 8:36 pm

    Whoaaaa. None of my pictures through dreamscope look this cool or even remotely so distinct. What is your secret? Are you running them through multiple times?

    Reply
  45. kp says:
    July 24, 2015 at 8:45 pm

    Ah right the femitwats think Trump is bad. Of course he is bad for you types. He’s not into the social lazy like you. He doesn’t buy into victim theory you’re so fond of. And he sure isn’t going to take the shit lies you fucks spread around. Shake in your panties femitwats, you’re days are numbered.

    Reply
  46. Snuffy says:
    July 24, 2015 at 9:05 pm

    @kp of course you support Trump, bigots like to stick together. Can’t wait for the Democrats to demolish him 🙂

    Reply
  47. weirwoodtreehugger says:
    July 24, 2015 at 9:12 pm

    He’s not into the social lazy like you.

    How did you know The Social Lazy was my favorite indie rock band?

    Reply
  48. Shannon Coulter says:
    October 11, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    Thank you for your visionary research and for answering long-held questions of my brain place. I feel strongly that several important peer-reviewed journals as well as the Union of Concerned Scientists should be made aware of this breakthrough immediately.

    Reply

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