Reddit’s Red Pillers are so obsessed with the idea of “spinning plates” — casually dating more than one woman at a time — that when I visit their various subreddits I sometimes feel like I’ve wandered into a convention of crockery fetishists (not that there’s anything wrong with that). You know, the sort of guys who, when they do the dishes, really do the dishes, wink wink nudge nudge.
Apparently plate-spinning can be a pretty tricky business. Here are an assortment of plate-related queries I found in the Ask The Red Pill subreddit — and my answers.
Plates get bored when they’re stuck in a dusty old cupboard all day. Take her out, give her a few turns in the microwave with a slice of leftover pizza, make a meal of it!
Next them! Nobody likes an old plate with a lot of cracks in it.
Cut her some slack. Plates don’t have thumbs.
Let her sit in the sink for a while. MAINTAIN FRAME!
Has she climbed into a box with a number of other plates wrapped in your clothing? She may be planning to move out on you!
Food. Dishwasher liquid. Cupboards.
Did you really “acquire” the plate without realizing it, or were you shoplifting? You were shoplifting, weren’t you?
Serious questions only! Plates don’t have eyes. Are you sure you’re not dating a potato?
I find witchcraft to be quite effective, though sometimes I accidentally turn my friends into newts. (They get better.)
Bed Bath and Beyond?