Hamsters: Still less gullible than Paul Elam
How gullible is Paul Elam, grand pooh-bah of A Voice for Men? Well, he just wrote an frothingly angry denunciation of a Canadian business school dean based on an obviously phony story on a satirical website called The Syrup Trap. A website that declares at the top of the page that it is “Canada’s favourite humour magazine.” A website whose logo is a cartoon beaver with a plastic cup on its head.
The backstory: Several months back, you may recall, several Canadian schools got into hot water when it got out that students in charge of organzing freshman orientation events were welcoming in new students with horrific chants full of rape jokes. One of these schools was the Sauder School of Business at the University of British Columbia.
Appalled by this, the dean of the business school, Robert Helsey, pledged $250,000 towards sexual assault counseling and education. But there was a catch: $200,000 of that sum would have to be approved via student referendum.
Last week, students overwhelmingly voted down the referendum.
Let’s let the writer of the satirical story, a journalist and humor writer named Jonny Wakefield, explain what happened next:
Dean Helsley made a public statement on the vote, which despite all the manager-academic speak, contained something resembling barely concealed rage.
Wouldn’t it be funny to see what he’s actually thinking?
So I wrote up a FAKE letter from Mr. Helsley to the student body, in which he lays down the law. We posted it to the humour blog the Syrup Trap, which, to be fair, has confused people in the past. Like when a post had people convinced J.K. Rowling was buying a campus library and turning it into the Chamber of Secrets.
In the FAKE letter to students, the FAKE Helsley FAKELY announced he was FAKELY firing the entire student body:
When your boss tells you to do something, it is in the company’s best interest that you do that thing to the best of your ability. Because it is in the company’s best interest that this thing be done, it is in your best interest as well.
Sometimes, the things I tell you to do may sound like suggestions. Sometimes I might say, “It would be great if you could complete x task within a given time period.”
But funding this counselling position to make up for joking about rape, while there is a sexual predator at large on campus?
That wasn’t a suggestion. …
Going back to Sauder as business analogy: you are all fired. All of you.
Enjoy the rest of your week. You have two days to clear out your belongings.
Oh, aside from the thing at the top of the page saying the site was a humor site, and the cartoon beaver, another little tipoff that this article was HUMOR and not REALITY is the fact that deans cannot actually fire the entire student body.
But none of these little tipoffs were enough to tip off Mr. Elam, who launched into a full-scale assault on the dean in a posting called “Dean Robert Helsley, asshole.” AVFM has since taken the post down, but happily for us students of MRA delusion and gullibility it has been captured forever by the Internet Wayback Machine. (Make sure you go the the November 5th capture of the page; the Nov. 6th capture of the page will get you a blank page, as they had deleted it by then.) Note: The Wayback machine is having some technical difficulties, so if you can’t get through here’s the Google Cache.)
Here’s Elam, laying down the smackdown for Helsley’s imaginary crimes. Sorry, for Helsly’s imaginary crimes: in keeping with AVFM’s tradition of not ever checking anything before publishing it, Elam even spells the guy’s name wrong in his tirade over the fake article in a satirical publication.
Dean Helsly wanted to blow a quarter of a million dollars of student’s money to allay his personal embarrassment over a fucking frosh chant that got too much media attention, and when they said no he resorted to bullying and public humiliation.
Doesn’t he know that no means no?
The students voiced their will through a democratic process, and Helsly reacted by letting them know that if he could he would retaliate against them for those votes; that he would, in fact, crush them.
I understand that Helsly is embarrassed. After all, in Rape Hysteria Culture a frosh week chant can go places no sane person could actually predict. But what is really interesting is that while Helsly is obviously uncomfortable seeing his name anywhere near the antics of some unruly freshman, he obviously has no concern whatsoever revealing himself publicly and proudly as indifferent to the collective will of his students, pettily resentful of the democratic process and thuggishly willing to play dictator, collective will and democracy be damned.
I’m a little confused as to what exactly Elam thinks Fake Helsley — sorry, Helsly –was going to do to “retaliate” against these students, given that deans cannot, you know, actually fire the entire student body.
Or does Elam think that in our evil Feminazi Gynocracy that’s just how things work? I guess when you devote your life to fighting imaginary enemies anything is possible.
Hint for you, Robert. Even bosses can be fired; especially the arrogant asshole type bosses who mistake their organizations as an instrument of personal vanity and who mistake tyranny for leadership skills.
Why is Elam writing about himself here?
Oh, wait — that’s supposed to be about Helsley?
Oh, and a special note to Sauder students. If you think feminism is a movement for social justice, think again. Feminism is the establishment now. It is the man. And the man just crapped all over you.
Well, not exactly. One man just crapped himself, all over his own website.
And I thought Elam was supposed to be the expert on satire.
The Syrup Trap has posted a clarification of their original story.
Thanks to pretendent on AgainstMensRights for alerting me to this lovely story.
This reminds me of the Kim Jong Un: Sexiest Man Alive article. Except China Daily’s response was more congratulatory, and even provided pictures to show him off. It wasn’t nearly as hateful.
Pretty sure their grasp of English is better, too. Fortunately for us, the Wayback Machine saved it for us.
http://web.archive.org/web/20121127154724/http://english.people.com.cn/90777/8035568.html
It’s a false flag operation! Tricksy feministses is wantin’ ter fool the world inter believin’ that rape happens. True story!
Athywren – Rape is MISANDRY!
Misandryyyyy!
Misandraaaaa!
Misandroobadoobadeedlidardlidoo!
Give me an M! Give me an I! Give me some SAND!
Now give me a R! Give me a Y! What does that spell?
MIS-fucking-ANDRY!
The Trumpet Misandry by Jeremiah Clarke
I used to believe in misandry,
I even believed in the wishing tree.
I may have been three,
When thoughts made me flee.
I should now be free,
But there’s punishment which be
That the cats of the world now own me.
Which is fine, all things considered.
::applauds::
Now it all makes sense!
Damn… that doesn’t scan well. :
You’re using a word like misandry and you think it’s gonna scan?
You little optimist, you. 😛
Actually, the first two lines are the only ones that do scan well. 😛
I think it needs another couple of lines to bridge 4-5, and a shorter word for punishment. For now I’m going to go with doom. DOOOOOOOMMM!!!
I am the very model of a misogynistic a-hole
I’m versed in information whining, raging, and no-show.
I know the involuntary celibates and I cite Elam honorable
From Bash a Bitch to FTSU to terrorize manginas and women terrible.
I’m well acquainted too with Roosh the impeccable
King of all PUAs and holder of knowledge wonderful.
About Price I know from the Spearhead hail
And MGTOWs I support with my tales of wail!
I know that women are all gold digging sluts
But I can’t stop admiring their wriggling butts.
So I tell them that they’re all irrational whores
In order to get them to beg for more!
I am the very model of a misogynistic a-hole
I’m versed in information whining, raging, and no-show;
I sit in front of my computer and write screeds all day
So that I don’t need to face the fact that all I do is hate.
Visceria, legal docs, declarations of war, lol! That really got me, I love the visuals of that beaver on everything serious: condolences card, college acceptance letter, collections notice, Hahahahaaa!!!
We have GOT to have parodies in the Feminist Borg mag …
So will he try to claim that, satire or not, it was a good example of real-life “misandry”? Or will he delete the post and try to pretend it never existed? Maybe he’ll claim that it’s a true story being published in a humor mag to throw people off the scent. You never can tell, with Elam.
emilygoddess – Seems to me like the latter.
Of course, as KING of Satire, he should have known it was a joke. But of course, satire is MISANDRY, which means that Elam is KING of MISANDRY.
… you know, that worked out better than intended. 😛
Am I the only one who hopes the reason the 20/20 story is being delayed is due to the reporters and producers mining for more gold on Elam?
“You know, it occurs to me… on manboobz: the magazining, or whatever it ends up being called, we’re probably going to have to have a banner up at the top of the funnies pages in size 72, bold: “The following is humour. Do not take seriously. MRAs, this means you.””
Added to my list, along with kitteh’s note about parodies.
Mazel – no, you’re not. 🙂
Okay, Feminist Borg can still have parodies but I still claim all parodies and other artistry that takes place on Man Boobz proper for MY BLOG!!! XD
Speaking of which…
http://artistryforfeminismandkittens.wordpress.com/2013/11/06/gilbert-sullivan-redux/
Warning: nasty sexual assaulting pigs ahead.
Just like seemingly the majority of police forces in the world, New Zealand police are not to be trusted when it comes to rape. A recent Assistant Commissioner (ie the deputy top cop in the whole land) was an accused (and probably guilty as sin) gang rapist, with various cop friends, during his early career. He was acquitted, probably due to the fact that other cops didn’t take the cases to court for over two decades, and the fact that his two co-accused were doing time for another gang-rape but that information was suppressed.
As for the Roast Busters, to add insult to injury, the spokescop, when claiming nobody had come forward, actually said nobody was “brave enough” to make a complaint. Fucking stupid rape apologist pigs have been trying to rehabilitate their image after the gang-rape furore; what a job they’re doing.
You’ll have to start writing it as Parody-Artistry: Against Misandry. And Kittens (C) for it to stick.
Doesn’t he know no means no
OH MY GOD. No one has ever used that as a joke before!!!!!! mind=blown.
Oh….wait. What’s that you say? It’s NOT original? Lots of people have used it before? Silly me and my silly ladybrain.
So that NZ rape story is so terrible I am just staying away so I can sleep tonight. 0_o
Beavers just go everywhere, like kangaroos in Australia.
“Warning: nasty sexual assaulting pigs ahead.”
Let me lighten this thread a bit!
My first thought upon seeing that? Pigs, the farm animal, committing sexual assault. Why? Because when we were kids my brother and I went to petting zoos, plural, and Every. Single. Time. he ended up with a baby animal pinning him to the ground and me laughing my ass off.
I think it was a goat that stepped on his nuts though, the pigs just swarmed him (as did the deer).
While one part of me wants MRAs, PUAs, MGTOWs scum to stop existing and to disappear from the face of the universe, another part of me loves to laugh at them and wishes them to stay.
The opening sentence of the OP is a doozy:
So the rape chant wasn’t a rape joke and doesn’t reflect poorly on the school? I guess the “antics of some unruly freshmen” were a neutral act of no consequence, no big deal really, that was misrepresented by uptight feminists and their lackey media who love a juicy rape hysteria controversy. The chant that was solely about committing rape is “a fucking fresh chant” that has nothing to do with rape, so stop saying it’s somehow about rape.
In his alternate universe, are the freshmen wits who delighted in their deliberately offensive chant about rape persecuted victims or misunderstood innocents? I know, the chant and the chanters can’t be wrong and can’t be blamed, because feminism is the sole evil force in the universe. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it.
@argenti
Goats!
Piggy!
Students refusing the funding of an advice program against sexual assault ? What kind of people are these students? I’m incredibly scared.
Reblogged this on dariancase.
@ Le Neko “students refusing the funding of an advice program against sexual assault ? What kind of people are these students? I’m incredibly scared.”
in a business school? probably glibertarians
Who was it the other day who was frothy mad and “why are you feminists against giving advice to
peoplewomen to help them avoid rape?”Because this is pretty awesome
http://syruptrap.ca/2013/10/in-wake-of-sexual-assaults-campus-security-issues-warning-to-not-commit-sexual-assault/
Of course, it’s just rife with misandry, but that’s part of the fun, right?
@Takshak and let’s be real, they’re probably mostly men. OH NO MISANDRY.
I’ve been starting to think that Elam, aside from being nasty and bigoted, is also just plain stupid.
Suspicions confirmed.
I love this video…let’s hope it embedded properly.
So the rape chant wasn’t a rape joke and doesn’t reflect poorly on the school? I guess the “antics of some unruly freshmen” were a neutral act of no consequence, no big deal really, that was misrepresented by uptight feminists and their lackey media who love a juicy rape hysteria controversy.
But if some freshmen protested the chants, that would be terrifying misandrist oppression orchestrated by the powerful feminist conspiracy, and Elam would be wetting his pants in fear.
Of course on top of all this he’s factually wrong about the chants: the chants weren’t actually the “antics of some unruly freshmen.” The issue was that they were chanted by the students who had organized the orientation sessions, as part of the orientation program.
I agree with the ‘glibertarians’ comment; and I’d add, these students should be required to take ethics courses to graduate.
On the plus side,
“The university announced a special panel to look at ways to prevent sexual harassment on campus, and Helsley said on Monday the proposed sexual assault counsellor position will be funded by the Sauder School of Business and UBC.”
http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/ubc-commerce-society-rejects-bid-to-fund-sex-assault-counselling-1.1527491
Bwawahahaha! I love seeing Paul Elam reduced to his real stature. He’s working on his anger issues this week and doing a great job of it too! Nice post David.