Hard Candy: What makes old ladies so crabby, according to crabby antifeminist Sunshine Mary? (Hint: It’s feminism.)

Just thought I’d give Sunshine Mary a heart attack with this.

Have you ever wondered what makes crabby old ladies crabby? Maybe they’re having a bad day? Maybe younger people are being rude to them and they’re speaking up for themselves? Maybe they’ve always been crabby? Maybe they’ve lived a long life and don’t give a shit what people think of them any more?

According to Sunshine Mary — “Christian, wife, mother, and anti-feminist” — the real problem is feminism.

And she’s got proof!

In a blog post today titled The coarsening effect of feminism on elderly women she tells the horrifying story of how she personally witnessed some crankiness from an old lady while she was innocently going about her business shopping for groceries and silently judging other people:

As I approached the milk cooler, I observed an elderly woman, probably in her late seventies, and her husband, who was probably around eighty.  The woman was wearing brown pants that appeared to be Carhartts and rainbow colored sneakers; she looked ridiculous.  I have been noticing lately that even elderly women’s appearance has worsened; they often wear their hair in short, mannish styles, as opposed to the short but feminine style that elderly women used to wear, and they seem to be wearing men’s clothing now.

Ok, so far the only crabby person here seems to be Sunshine Mary herself, working herself into a lather over an elderly woman’s short hair and rainbow-colored sneakers.

But wait! Sunshine Mary continues with her tale of terror in the dairy aisle:

As I stood patiently nearby waiting to access the milk cooler, I eavesdropped on the elderly couple’s conversation.  I didn’t hear what the man had said, but the old woman was responding harshly with a nasty look on her face as she complained, “I want it, and I am going to get it.  I need to because you don’t take me shopping enough!”  They shuffled off down the aisle, she still crabbing and he pushing the cart silently.

I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT A WOMAN DEMANDING TO GET THE KIND OF YOGURT OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS THAT SHE WANTED TO GET, EVEN THOUGH HER HUSBAND FOR SOME REASON APPARENTLY THOUGHT SHE SHOULDN’T  GET IT, ACTUALLY WHY WOULD THAT BE ANY OF his business why am I yelling?

Sunshine Mary wonders what kind of world could create crabby old ladies like this:

I thought about her unfeminine appearance and harsh behavior and also recalled …  an article about how elderly women are divorcing and engaging in online dating and casual sex, resulting in a sharp increase in sexually transmitted diseases among the elderly, and I wondered…What has happened to our older women?  Why have they become so unfeminine?  Why do they revel in exhibiting coarse behavior and using foul language?

Elderly women didn’t use to be like this.

Huh. I’s sort of stuck on the sexually transmitted diseases thing, because unless all these old ladies have become lesbians — and I’m pretty sure Sunshine Mary would have said something about that if that were the case — then these evil sex-having, STD-spreading old ladies are having sex with, and spreading STDs with, sex-having, STD-spreading men. So why is it that the ladies are the ones getting all the blame?

Also, how did we get from cranky old ladies in the dairy aisle to sexy old ladies having sex?

Anyway, as proof that old ladies used to be nothing but sugar and spice, Sunshine Mary posts a picture of her grandmother in 1974, and she does indeed seem to be a very nice granny. Apparently she never swore or talked about sex, at least not in the vicinity of Sunshine Mary.

And apparently Sunshine Mary’s great-grandmother was a very nice lady as well — even though she worked outside the home!

So why are the old ladies of today such evil, crabby, yogurt-demanding monsters?

Oh, yeah, that’s right: feminism.

The women who are in their seventies now would have been young women when second wave feminism took off in the early 1970s, and it shows.   There are exceptions, of course, but in general they are far more coarse and unfeminine than the previous generation, and this is almost certainly due to the influence of feminism. …

Feminism was supposed to empower women, but instead it has turned all women into mere sex objects; all they bring of worth now is their sexuality, and when their youth fades, they have nothing left of value to offer.

Uh, since when has feminism been all about turning women into nothing but sex objects?

This is why we see old women either pathetically trying to look like a caricature of a young, sexy woman or just giving up and looking like old men.  If you have nothing beyond your sexuality to offer, if you have built no lasting family, if you have chucked your husband and devoted most of your life to a career, then you end up with no feminine dignity for anyone to celebrate.

Yeah, it’s not like having an interesting and/or accomplished life is worth celebrating.

We women who are not yet elderly need to think about this and consider our own conduct, language, and appearance.  What kind of elderly women do we hope to be someday?  The type who are desperately clinging to the hope that they are sexxxxay and hip in their dotage, looking and behaving just as crass as the younger women?

Sorry to break it to you, Sunshine, but when people live longer lives, their sex lives last longer as well. I don’t know if you realize this, but people you think are too old, or too unattractive, or too whatever to be having sex … are having sex all the time. That couple you saw in the grocery store may have had sex for three hours as soon as they got home. They may have even worked the yogurt into it.

I know that I don’t want to be that way.  I hope that I will be more like my grandmother and great-grandmother – a dignified, feminine, woman who is both respectable and respected, who takes care of her family and does not embarrass them with outrageously coarse behavior.

Don’t worry, Sunshine. You’re already plenty embarrassing.